


Raging Blue

by Bekbek



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Badasses, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fluff, M/M, Modern Assassins, Poor Life Choices, Shooting Guns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-06-05 01:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15159398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bekbek/pseuds/Bekbek
Summary: My boy is a good one, His Mama would say. His siblings might groan in feigned annoyance but they still hugged his neck. His coworkers would laugh and write him off as a friendly flirt. His friends would grin and say that he was great, if a little much to handle. Lance MccLain was all of those thing, but he was so much more. He was a feared man, a dangerous man, someone that should be avoided. He had left that life behind, hidden it behind smiles and jokes. But at the end of the day he was and always would be Raging Blue.





	1. Chapter 1

Lance gave his best smile to the angry customer glaring at him, “of course! Im so sorry that we fluffed up your order let me go ahead and get you a new one!” 

The customer scoffed but Lance didn't let his smile fall a touch. He turned back to a glowering Pidge with the megawatt smile “Pidge. Would you please remake the customers drink  _ correctly this time.  _ I would really appreciate it.”

         The smaller barista narrowed her eyes at him yet still grabbed the cup out of his hand. Lance took a moment to glare down at her before sliding his bright mask back on. With a small flourish he turned back to the glaring customer, he shot her a wink and finger guns. “There we go! We’ll have a proper order right out for you.” 

         She rolled her eyes and stomped off leaving Lance free until Pidge finished the order. It wasn't a rush hour so there were a few minutes between each customer. As long as there were no mishaps then the rest hours were calm and soothing. The owner of the pub, Allura, kept the music soft and light most the time, the usually customers were kind, the decor was soothing, it was the perfect job for Lance. He needed something low stress, and the benefits that came along were worth any annoying customers.

          Most importantly was the delicious smells of food coming from the back, the lunch hour coming up. The kitchen was Hunks domain, but all the workers were invited to come be guinea pigs. When he had started working at the pub he found it odd that they also served full meals but the first time he tried some of the food he was converted. Hunk was a genius in more ways than his intellect. Lance had made sure to make friends with the other worker, and was grateful for that decision everyday. The other worker that usually worked his shift was Pidge. Lance was fairly sure the younger girl was actually a demon, and she never actually confirmed otherwise. 

         He pretty much always worked the morning shits, 5am to 1pm. The early mornings and their subsequent ruch of caffeine starved zombies were the perfect environment for him. The fact that he liked his coworkers and boss helped. Allura’s uncle Coran worked the morning shift, and Lance loved the quirky older man. Plus Coran let Lance get away with having his phone at the register so long as there were no customers waiting on him. Luckily the shop was nearly empty and Lance could casually check his social media while Pidge remade the grumbly customers coffee. 

         If someone had told Lance that in four years he would have given up his life of blood and violence to work in a small town pub he would have laughed them to hell. Probably right before putting some lead into them. He loved the pub, Allura had come through when she gave him the job. Lance couldn't exactly put ‘assassination, torture and, intel gathering’ as past job experience. These days the most evil thing he did was purposely decaf an annoying customer. Though the man that nearly kicked in the front door made Lance reconsider his choices at least once a week. 

        Keith Kogane was a royal brat and pain in the ass, his smart mouth started problems with customers and Lance had had to step in more often than not. He much prefered the other man that followed Keith in, Takashi Shirogane was a perfectly nice person. Ever cautious Lance had run some light background checks on everyone in the pub, but Shiro's caught his attention the most. An ex Navy Seal with honorable medical discharge, multiple glowing reviews from other officers, even the accident that had cost him an arm had been to save innocents. Lance considered him to be his opposite. Keith was interesting as an Airforce flunkie but not worth more than an evenings reading. The fact that Keith didn't seem to like anyone besides Shiro and Pidge was also a turnoff, though that might have been Lances fault. Apparently Keith didn't know the difference between flirting and asking someone to fight. 

          The appearance of his other coworkers had Lance glancing at his phone again, only 17 more minutes until he clocked out. He needed to take the angry customers coffee out to her before he could even think about leaving. If Pidge or Keith went out there then it might end in actual bloodshed. Said coffee was sitting on the drink board though Pidge didn't bother to call out, Lance would also bet his tips that pidge had decafed it. Whatever she had done Lance needed to go soothe the customer, checking that no one was coming in Lance grabbed the coffee and made his way out from behind the counter. The customer looked up when she heard his footsteps, already scowling. 

         “Again, I’m so sorry that we got the order wrong! Here is your new freshly made one, orders followed perfectly.” Lance chirruped with his smile back on.

         She nearly snatched the drink out of his hand but Lance didn't allow the irritation to show on his face. She took a sip and crinkled up her nose but couldn't say it was wrong again, Lance had lept a semi close eye on Pidge to ensure it was proper.with a huff the customer grabbed her bag and stalked out of the small pub. Lance sighed low in his throat and went to see why perfect memory Pidge had messed up the order. He found her hiding in the kitchen facing away from the door with a stiff spine, at his pointed cough she shifted on her feet. Out of the corner of his eye Lance saw Keith glaring at him, he was very protective over the small girl. 

         “Pidge.” Lance said lowly. 

The girl flinched and Lance felt a twinge sympathy, no one liked getting in trouble, but he couldn't let her purposely piss off paying customers. 

         “Pidegy I know that you made her coffee wrong on purpose.” 

She whirled around and Lance was slightly startled to see the anger in her eyes. Her eyebrows were drawn low over sharp golden eyes, and her mouth set in a grimace. 

         “Of course I did it on purpose! That hag was a racist bitch and i should have done worse than fluff up her coffee order!” She exploded.

Lance blinked twice before sighing, he expected the casual racism he got being latino and having a bit of an accent. He had faced it his whole life and would continue to. Pidge was still young and had hope in humanity. Any irritation Lance had drained right out of him, while wrong Pidge felt she was in the right and he wasn't going to try and change her mind. Instead he grabbed the stiff girl and pulled her into a hug, he plopped his head atop her own and hummed low in his throat. 

         “One of these days I’m going to drop you off at the pound for all the trouble you cause me.” he joked. 

Pidge hissed lowly and poked him in the sides until he released her. Though she acted annoyed at the sudden contact Lance could see the ease moving through her. She smiled up at him and with one last stab into his ribs went back to her station. Lance scoffed and made eye contact with the glowering Keith. He had to resist the urge to make a guard dog comment, but it was always smarter to avoid and ignore the other boy. Any time they fought Shiro would lecture them and had the worst disappointed face, honestly a man so pretty should not ever look upset. Lance only had another ten minutes to get through then he could hideout in his small apartment and forget the rest of the world ever existed. 

Luckily for him there was only a few more customers for the rest of his shift, a few regulars coming in for lunch. He sat them with no fuss and when his shift came to a close he pulled off his blue apron and punched his time card. He passed by Shiro pulling on his own black apron and gave him a slight smile. The other gave him a small smile and wave but did not halt Lance. The others had realised early on that Lance was not the most social after work, he needed a little time to himself to decompress before he was willing to go out. The pub was only a mile from his apartment and it was only cool out so lance just shoved his hands into his jacket pocket and started the trek. 


	2. Ramen is Not Nutritious Lance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I'm sorry it took so long :( shit hit the fan in my personal life but I'm back now and ready to get to work!

Once Lance reached his small loft apartment untroubled he breathed a sigh of relief, as much as he loved the pub there was only so much charming personality he could pull up. Put away your trama, ignore the blood dripping off your clothes, hide your tears behind a pun. If there's nothing to question then no one will bother to find out. It had worked so far, the only person who somewhat knew of his past was Allura and even she didn't know everything. Alfor wanted his daughter to be safe, knowing what he did and his methods were about as far from that as she could get. The easy lie of being Alfors hired hand covered most of his past and turned away to many pressing questions he didn't have a prepared lie for. 

He didn't want to know what his other friends would think if he ever actually told them, they were all pure and good. None of them needed to know about the sin seeping off of him, or be stained red by his past. Normal 26 year olds worried about rent, or their latest flame, not about the red in their ledger. It pulled a sardonic smile to Lances face as he unlocked the deadbolt and knob lock. Maybe he was a bit paranoid having two deadbolts a knob lock and chain lock, he prefered to call it prepared. His apartment building was nice, and he lived in the safe middle class neighborhoods not to far from the local college. In the two years that he had been in the area there hadn't been a single break in, but if there was it wouldn't be in his apartment. 

Not that there would be much for them to steal. The nicest thing in the apartment was the couch that Lance face planted on. His body sunk into the soft cushions as he flailed for the TV remote he knew was somewhere on the ground. Feeling the thing under his fingertips he turned on his shitty TV all without pulling his face out of the couch pillow. It turned onto some random documentary about Aliens that Pidge had left it on the last time she had been over. The low sounds of talking were soothing and Lance could feel himself drifting off within a few minutes of lying there. 

He woke up sometime later when the TV made a loud noise that jerked him from a pleasant dream about the beach. Whatever alien documentary had ended and some war one began, the joys of the History channel. He blinked at the thing for a minute before his body made its need for food known. Escaping the couches comfortable depths was an effort that had his phone falling out of his jacket pocket. He just stared at the thing and debated going back to sleep and ignoring the world for a little longer. He probably would have if the screen hadnt chose that moment to light up displaying his notifications. With a sigh he grabbed it and sat back in the couch to see what was up. 

_ Hunkalicious;  _ you left without grabbing your lunch. 

_ Hunkalicious;  _ I’ll stick it in the fridge but if you don't come grab it then it goes to Shiro.

_ Hunkalicious;  _ Shiro ate it and appreciated it more than you ever do.

_ Hunkalicious;  _ im going to assume you died until told otherwise hmu later. 

Lance smiled at the messages with a small chuckle, he was pretty sure Hunk was actually made out of sunshine and cuddles. No one he had ever met more embodied a Care Bear besides maybe Shiro. 

_ Greendemon;  _ thx for not yelling at me earlier BossLady did it for you. Apparently that hag went ahead and complained but i got her name and am going to hack her facebook i demand the souls of the innocent for my contributions to the bettering of humanity 

The message was exactly something he'd expect from Pidge. Other than memes she usually told Lance when she was being particularly devious in case he wanted to join, or shed need an alibi.

_ Me;  _ Pidgeotto you realize asking for the souls of the innocent does not help make humanity less of a shit stain yea? 

He quickly sent off the message before checking the lone notification from Shiro,

_ Preciousbarabean;  _ Pidge has been snickering for 10 minutes since Allura yelled at her, thought you should know to check your shampoo for hair dye. 

_ Me;  _ dont worry her evil is aimed away from the pub this time were in the clear 

Lance was about to slide his phone into his pocket and find some ramen when another ding caught his attention. 

_ Greendemon;  _ the souls of a few innocents are just my snack dont worry.

_ Greendemon;  _ also message mum before you give him a heart attack thinking ur dead in a ditch or something. 

Lance rolled his eyes at her first message and sighed at the second. Hunk probably was worrying after Lance passed out and didn't respond for nearly seven hours. 

_ Me;  _ sorry Hunkman i passed out soon as i got to the apartment sure your food was the stuff as gods as usual. 

Never one to be far from his phone Hunks response came through after a minute of waiting. 

_ Hunkalicious;  _ no problem Shiro made sure I know how amazing I am. Guess that means you haven't eaten anything all day have you? 

_ Me;  _ geeze Mum im making dinner now lol. 

_ Hunkalicious;  _ If you want to wait till the pub closes at nine I’m making Burgers for everyone.

_ Me;  _ hell ya much better than the ramen i was planning. Remind me to bring the ring and I’ll propose to you.

_ Hunkalicious;  _ I’ll even be gracious and pretend you're not just using me for food lol. Come round to the apartment bout 9:30 and eat you walking disaster.   

_ Me;  _ you know i'll be there :* 

One good thing about making friends was that Lance could say he had very good taste. His friends had to be angels sent down to earth to play. Except Pidge, she was certainly a demon. He had about an hour to waste before he needed to head over to the apartment that Pidge and Hunk shared, he could go for a quick jog before driving over. It took him two minutes to shed his jeans and find a semi clean pair of shorts and his headphones. Double checking that he had his phone and keys Lance locked the deadbolt and knob lock before heading out to hit the streets. 

 

````````

 

          “Lance forgot to eat again today so he's coming over for burgers.” Hunk hollered from the kitchen. 

Pidge rolled her eyes from the loveseat where she was curled up with her laptop. As much as the boy was like an extra big brother he really couldn't take care of himself to save his life. He’d live off ramen and Big Macs with a side of coffee everyday if Hunk didnt pester him about nutrition. Though she really wasn't much better with her ‘gummy worms are made with fruit juice and therefore must be healthy.’ not even Lance agreed to that one. She stuck another bit of wiggly goodness into her mouth as she focused on her advanced quantum mechanics research.  

          “Did you tell him that everyone was coming and he needed to actually behave with Keith.” she yelled back. 

          “Ya I told him I’d be cooking for everyone, he knows to behave if he wants food.” Hunk said from behind her. 

Pidge yelped and jumped fumbling with her laptop. She turned to glare at the bid man who was draped across the back of the loveseat looking down at her, he could move quietly when he wanted to. He just smiled sweetly and stole one of her gummy worms. She glared harder and swatted at his hand but he didn't release his claim, just bit off the head. 

          “You gunna go ahead and shower before everyone starts showing up?” he asked. 

Pidge narrowed her eyes at him and stuck her tongue out, “no I thought I was going to shower in the sink while everyone ate.” 

Hunk just rolled his eyes and flicked her in the ear before walking back to the kitchen. 

          “If you want me to feed you then go shower. Plus maybe text Keith and remind him that he needs to behave too.” 

A tiny smirk played across Pidges face. The first time Keith and Lance had met Lance had tried to flirt… which went straight over poor Keiths’ head. Ever since then the relationship between the two had been frosty at best. She thought it was hilarious, especially after a drunken Keith had slurred to her that he thought Lance ‘had a cute butt’. Shiro had stepped in before Pidge could weasel more information out of him, but she still knew. And with what she knew she plotted. She shut down her laptop and got ready to shower, all with thoughts of romance playing through her mind. 


	3. yooooooo

Hey guys!!! this obviously isn't a normal update hehe. I created a discord server for all my works! If you would like to join this specific brand of crazy then you would get background information, lore of the story, and the occasional cheeky spoiler ;p I'd really like to see y'all there!! <https://discord.gg/zUSd8m>


	4. Mistakes were Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I haven't forgot this story! My other work Bleeding Stars is earning most of my attention but I promise to be better about getting consistent updates for this one! If you want content in between updates such as lore and the occasional cheeky spoiler come join my Discord at; https://discord.gg/C8WNsj also tiny warning here for a little bit of a panic attack in this bit, its not intense or graphic so just be warned

Lance knew he lived in a pretty good neighborhood, he wanted somewhere that he wouldn't have to worry about being shanked. That had happened once and he really didn't appreciate it, which the guy had learned as soon as Lance got out of the hospital. Running somewhere like his neighborhood sometimes got him odd looks, but those he could ignore. An old injury made it hard for him to run, made it painful, but he knew his own limits. He knew how far and hard he could push until he was a limping mess. Plus he loved running, losing himself into the motion of his body. 

Lance ran flat out for as long as his boy could keep up then slowed into a steady jog. Hunk and Pidge only lived five miles from him, three if he took a few shady shortcuts. He could easily make that in an hour, even stop at a nearby corner to splash his face with some water. He couldn't rightly go to dinner smelling like he had run the whole way there, even if he had. His steady jog carried him onwards, only speeding up when he cut through shadowed alleyways. He kept his music loud enough to drown out his own breathing and kept his head tucked to avoid the eyes of anyone he happened to pass. 

_            Me:  _ hey I’m at that corner store down the road need anything? 

_            Hunkalicious:  _ Pidge says gummy worms but that's up to you to decide. Hurry up the Broganes are already here. 

_           Me:  _ kk. Tell Pidge im not feeding her addiction. 

_           Greendemon:  _ A; i don't have an addiction stop your scandalous lies. B; get me gummy worms or i spill the pictures of you in one of Alluras skirts to everyone. 

_           Me:  _ glad to know your evil never ceases to exist. If you spill those pics im telling Matt it was you who hacked his minecraft and blew up all the TNT. 

_           Greendemon:  _ who would he believe? His innocent little sis or you. 

_           Greendemon:  _ shit. You win this one. 

_           Greendemon:  _ get me gummy worms anyway. Hunks trying to limit me. 

Lance rolled his eyes as Pidge spammed him. She often reminded him of a chihuahua, tiny and cute yet vicious. She was only 19, a good 7 years his younger yet the tiny girl had already broke multiple laws, committed at least two felonies and maybe a case of national treason. He liked her for a reason. She was like another little sister to add to his already huge family. He stuck his phone in his pocket and slipped into the bathroom to wipe the sweat off his face. He grabbed Pidge the biggest bag of gummy worms he could find and after a moment of thought a box of red hots. 

As he walked to the counter to pay for his candies he saw the cashiers eyes go wide and flicker over him. For a moment old instincts slammed into Lance and he readed behind his back for the sheath he kept in the small of his back. The cashier coughed to clear his throat and gave a slightly strained smile to Lance. He forced himself to relax, to loosen his muscles and take his hand off the small weapon. The reasons why the cashier could have freaked out ran through Lances mind, he didnt know him. He was fairly certain that he had never seen the cashier, but with his past if he was known then he had some things he needed to handle. 

Danger pushed through his body and slid itself into his adrenal glands. It changed his very walk, setting him into a stalk up to the counter to set his goodies down. He leaned up against the cold counter and carefully watched the cashiers hands as he grabbed the candies. The others hands weren't even shaking and he hadn’t given Lance another odd look, something else then. Lance shifted against the counter and pulled his bad knee away from the cold. The small movement made his whole brain short out as he realized why he would be getting weird looks. 

When he had decided to run he had chosen to wear shorts. No one ran in jeans, even in the cooler weather. Most people also didn’t have twisted angry scars covering their knees and a fair amount of thigh. The injury was old, the scars gone a faint silvery pink against his tan skin. Even so they were very obvious and nothing could hide them besides the pants Lance normally wore. There was no way to miss it, and he was going to his friends house who had no idea that even had an injury. Hell he had once told Keith he was limping because he had spent to much time on his knees. 

It was back when he was still new to the pub and his limp had been obvious that day. Allura knew, and Lance was never actually sure what Coran knew about his past since the man had been so close to Alfor. He had already been grouchy from no sleep, and as the day progressed so did his pain levels. It was one of the few times he lost his cool happy attitude when he had snapped at someone for calling his a gimp. He had told the rest of the pub he was ex military, the easiest explanation to his reactions and occasional jumpiness. After the run in with the customer Keith had gotten nosy and Lance had lashed out in an attempt to get the other to back off. 

He never meant for the others to know. If people knew then they asked questions, and Lance did not like questions. They led to lies and lies led to more lies and eventually he would be so turned around he would mess up and his life would come crashing down. He didn't have many friends but he really liked them and they would leave him because he was a monster and didn't deserve the light they brought into his life.They would realize that and they would throw him out with the trash and he would be left all alone in the dark again. He had worked so hard to put his sins behind him but he could feel them crawling up his back again. 

Lance felt his heart rate climbing as his mind started to spiral. He needed to get out of the store, needed to get out of the bright lights and back out into the shadows. Lance nearly threw his money at the cashier and didn’t even wait for his change as he sped out of the store. He could feel eyes on him, crawling over his skin like ants as they traced his scars. He was starting to have trouble breathing, like he couldn’t suck in enough air. Lance slid into the narrow alley that was behind the store and slid down the wall besides the dumpster. He held his head on his hands as he focused on his breathing, three deep breaths in and on the fourth exhale he reopened his eyes. 

He was looking directly at the scars twisting themselves around his knee. The memories of when he got the injury shoved themselves into his mind. Memories or screaming and begging, cursing in every language he knew, blood sliding off his skin. The quiet plink of a leak onto concrete floors, dark red flowing across darker iron.The taste of vomit and failure on his tongue. Lance had some pretty terrible memories, and he was falling into one of the very worst. The sound of his phone pinging was a welcome distraction as he shook the memories out of his head. Hunk was calling him. 

          “Hey buddy you almost up? Allura and Coran just left the pub.” Hunks voice was so war, and kind. 

It was a grounding factor as Lance still faintly trembled. He pressed the phone harder against his ear and leant his head back against the wall. 

          “Uh ya, I’m walking over now.” 

Lance took a deep breath, he had to do  _ something.  _ He couldn’t just show up looking like he did with no explanation. 

          “Hunk, you know that I don’t ask for much but I really need you to do this for me.”

Hunk started saying something when Lance paused but he spoke over his friend. 

          “Listen Hunk. When I get there just don’t say anything. You will see what I’m talking about but don’t ask, not tonight.”

Hunk tried to ask, worry coating his voice. He tried to ask if Lance had been jumped, or if he was sick, or anything, but Lance cut him off again. 

          “Nothing like that, I’m fine. Just promise me Hunk.” 

Hunk was quiet on the other side of the line. Lance wondered if he was looking at Pidge, or the Broganes were there too. Lance hadn’t even paid attention to hear if he was on speaker or not, to busy trying to calm down. 

          “Alright Lance.” Hunk sighed. 

Lance pushed himself to his feet and dusted off. He was still shaky, and he knew that he wouldn’t get any kind of sleep later but he would be fine for the moment. 

          “Thank you Hunk, I’m on my way I’ll see you at the door.”

The line disconnected and Lance stepped out of the alley and into the street lights. It had gotten dark quickly, which Lance could appreciate now that he was conscious of his leg being out. He had only been in the alley for around ten minutes, though it had felt like much longer. He started walking in the direction of the apartment. It only took him five minutes before he was standing in front of the door and debating if he could turn around and run away. The decision was made for him when Pidge ripped open the door. 

          “I was watching the peephole waiting for you.” she offered. 

Lance gave her a small smile as she glanced over him. He had carefully positioned the bag of candy in front of his knee but he knew that when he moved it would be open to see. A quick glance into the apartment and he could see Shiro chilling on the couch, Keith nowhere to be seen.  

          “Is that Lance?” Hunk rounded the corner and checked Lance over. 

He could see worry on the big mans face and the relief when he didn’t see anything wrong on first glance. Lance took a breath and decided to bite the bullet before it hit him. 

          “Pidgy threatened me into getting her gummy worms.” 

Lance held the bag out and Pidge snatched it out of his hands without looking down. A quiet gasp from Hunk drew her attention and she looked up and locked eyes on Lances knee. They both stared silently, the attention made Lance want to curl into a ball and not let anyone see his pain. After a moment's hesitation Pidge blinked and gave Lance a slightly queasy smile. 

          “I resent you insisting that I threatened you.” she tried to joke. 

Her voice was obviously strained but even the attempt brought a grateful smile to Lances face. He moved into the apartment and snatched the bag from her fingers. Pidge hissed and reached out for it but Lance pulled it above her head. He reached up and grabbed the Red Hots out while still keeping the bag above Pidges jumping. Pidge narrowed her eyes and before Lance could dodge out of the way she jumped halfway up his body and wrapped her legs around his waist. With her new height she grabbed the bag and slid back down, when she did her foot knocked against his knee making him stumble slightly. 

Pidge jerked away from him and looked at Lance with wide eyes like she was worried she had hurt him seriously. Lance just shook his head and ruffled her hair before tossing the Red Hots into Shiros lap. He knew the big mans weakness for the cinnamon candies and liked to grab them when he thought about it. Shiro was just nice enough to deserve it. Shiro slowly nodded in more than thanks, he had his own fair share of scars. At least Lance wouldn't have to worry about him asking questions.

A choked off noise noise drew Lances attention, Keith had come out of the bathroom and was staring at Lances leg. The horror making itself apparent on his face turned Lances stomach. Lance was really regretting making the choice of going on a run before dinner. Along with having to show his scars his knee was starting to lock and soreness was making itself known. The only thing he could do was force a smile onto his face like there was nothing wrong. 

          “So Hunk! I am hungry enough to eat Keith, how about that burger?” 


	5. So you do have a heart!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allllllllllrighty guys I'm back after way to long lol. so some things, school started back up *yaayyyyy* -.- updates will prob stay short but hopefully we can start getting them out faster... because... I GOT THE BEST OF COWRITER!!!!! Shes super cool, sweet, and at this point my main inspiration for continuing RB. give her the same amazing love that yall have poured onto my heart!

Lance hated awkward silences, if he felt any kind of tension, his mouth was prone to running ahead of his brain. In his past that had gotten in out of trouble and into more, but now he didn't know what to say. He could see the others glancing at his knee when he hopped to sit on Hunks counter. Could see them flinch when Hunk swatted it with a dish rag. Any words that he could say to direct their attention away shriveled up and died long before they reached his voice box. At least they hadn’t asked any questions, he hadn’t had to field any curiosity or hurt any feelings when he shut it down.  

His nerves were still raw from his small breakdown in the alley. Every glance at his scars wound him tighter and tighter and he needed to get the attention off himself before he ended up snapping. Thankfully the sound of knocking cut through the thick silence, Lance was sliding off the counter to get it before the others even turned their heads. He pulled open the door for Allura and Coran and wondered if the pleading was just that obvious in his eyes when Allura immediately wrapped him in a hug. 

          “Hunk messaged me and said you were freaking out about something.” she whispered.

Lance nodded against her shoulder and squeezed her tighter before he pulled away. Allura looked him over and paused when she got to his shorts. She had seen his scars before, had even helped rub his knee down on especially bad pain days. She knew the amount of courage it had taken him to show her, one of the few people he completely trusted. Allura sighed and dragged him back into a short hug before stepping away. 

          “Come on if the burgers taste half as good as they smell Hunk will have his choice of marriage proposals.” 

Lance gave her a small smile, she would at least try to lighten things up. Allura linked her arm through his and dragged him back into the kitchen with Coran following them. She immediately launched into a conversation about the day at the Pub and let Lance hide in the background. Eating was still slightly awkward, Lance was normally the one carrying conversation not staying quiet.  He hadn't realized how hungry he was until he started eating, Hunk was some kind of secret wizard. 

The others still shot him the occasional sideways glance but he could ignore those. Slowly the tightness in his body relaxed enough for him to start smiling and cutting up. He had built the whole situation into some big catastrophe and was thankful to see he was wrong. For at least a few hours he could put his past behind him, surround himself in light and laughter as a means to banish pain. Though he could have done without the odd looks Keith kept sending him. He didn't mean to call the other out but after yet another glance within five minutes Lance moved to lean against the wall near him. 

          “What do you want?” He hissed under his breath without looking over. 

Lance could see Keith stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Out of all the people he expected to be weird about his scars he hadn't really considered Keith. Honestly he just expected some kind of snide remark or an eye roll. 

          “Are you alright?” Keith near whispered. 

Lance sucked his teeth and shut off the near instant spurt of sarcasm before it could escape his throat. While fighting with Keith was a near guarantee way to distract him from the lingering shakiness in his bones he wouldn't do that during dinner. His Mama had raised him to never argue at the table.

          “I just noticed that you were quiet during dinner. Normally I dream of shoving an apple between your teeth just to get you to shut up for five minutes.”  

Lance turned to gape at Keith. Out of all the people to express concern… Keith was even blushing faintly. Lance couldn't stop the slight smile or teasing that crept into his voice.

          “Aw Keithy, I never realised you cared!” 

He could see the blush spread across Keith's face. He turned fully, more than ready to delve into the normal banter that filled the days they weren’t snapping at each other. His eye caught on the slight pout Keith was offering as he turned away. If Lance had the ability, his ears would have perked straight  _ ( _ **_lol straight. As if!)_ ** up in interest.

          “Well sorry for trying to be nice then.” Keith muttered. 

Lance felt a slight spike of guilt and hurried to cover it with another joke. 

          “You know if you wanted me to say “I was  _ fine”,  _ you could have just said it, not pretended to be worried babe.”

He had the satisfaction of seeing Keith choke on nothing before he whipped around to face Lance again. The smug joy in his chest died at the genuinely hurt look on Keith's face **.** He had fucked up again. 

          “What is wrong with you?” Keith hissed lowly, “I’m trying to see if you are alright since we all notice how you’re acting. You can fake a smile all you want, but the people that care can always tell Lance!” 

Lance opened his mouth and tried to make his brain brush it off, but for once he had no witty quips.  _ I thought I was doing a pretty good job. Of course Keith would call me out, that boy wouldn't know tact if it bit him on the ass.  _ He figured he probably looked like some kind of bad fish just gaping at Keith with wide eyes. Lance glanced over his shoulder and saw Shiro watching with a raised eyebrow before the other turned back to his conversation.  _ Traitor.  _ Lance sighed and ducked his head before glancing back at Keith.

          “I’m fine.” His voice wasn’t convincing, even to himself.

Keith just flicked his eyebrows up and crossed his arms. Lance shifted on his feet and glanced at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but Keith. Lance had been the monster in the dark, had made grown men wet themselves with bare threats, had faced things that should have broken him. Yet, his coworker that he wasn't even close to glaring at him was too much to handle? It didn't make any sense even in his own head. 

          “I’m sorry.” he whispered. 

Keith leaned in to hear better and Lance trained his eyes on the dip of the other’s exposed collarbone. As soon as he opened his mouth everything just spilled out.

          “I’m not fine but I also didn’t expect anyone to really notice.”

The confession pulled itself from his chest like a ball of tangled barbed wire. Everything in him rebelled at the thought of admitting weakness, but at the same time the weight of it lifted almost instantly. He couldn't resist darting his eyes up to meet Keith’s, the plain pity made him want to bare his teeth or curl up in a ball and hide. 

          “It’s alright to not be okay Lance.” 

He couldn't help the crinkle in his nose at the thought. Not being fine was along the same lines of showing the weakness at his core and he refused to entertain that idea. 

          “We all have issues, it's not like we would judge you for having your own. Besides, Shiro is just as shy about his scars.”

Lance nodded and pulled his eyes away from Keith. Here was another person trying to reach out and be comforting while Lance was still lying.  _ You don't deserve this. They want to care about someone whole and good, not something like you. All you are going to do is bring them down with you and you know it. The best thing for their happiness would be for you to leave and never look back. At least if you leave them then they will never find out about the sins that stain your soul. _

          “Hey. Lance, come on buddy.” 

He blinked out of the dark whispers filling his ears and looked back at Keith. This close, Lance realized that his eyes weren't dark grey like he thought, but violet. Usually when he was this close to Keith they were arguing and he didn't have a chance to take in the beauty. 

          “You were drifting off there a bit.” Keith said and tucked his chin a bit. 

A spark zinged down Lance’s spine, he recognized this moment. Blushing, glancing away, actually being nice… He could get behind a possibly flustered Keith. 

           “Let's go sit, the others will start to think you aren't a certified ass if we don't fight within two minutes.” Keith muttered and shoved off the wall to leave the kitchen. 

Lance watched him walk off with a growing smile. This game was something he was used to, and his people reading skills were very rarely wrong. He took the moment to appreciate Keith walking away when he wasn't hunched in anger before following. They made their way out of the kitchen and joined the rest of the group. Allura was looking at him with obvious concern and he just shook his head, nothing for her to worry about. He could make it through the evening, and maybe even further. 


	6. developments and setbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! I know that its been a while since yall heard from me but here i am with another chapter. this chapters dedication is... procrastination lol. i was meant to be writing a bleeding stars chapter but it kicked my ass and i ended up here. just a reminder that i have a discord server where discussion, lore, teasers, and general friendship happens. https://discord.gg/QqGrRA

Lance loved his friends, even though the air was still tense, even though their eyes still traced over his scars, they still tried to act normal. Jokes were still cracked, snacks were still thrown, insults were tossed out as easily as declarations of love. As the night passed they all slumped further into their chosen seats. He knew he would have to be in at the pub at five, but Lance put off leaving for as long as possible. He had already gotten enough sleep in the afternoon that he would be fine without more, but as Pidge yawned for the third time in ten minutes he pushed to his feet. 

He opened the pub and worked the first two hours with only coran in the back for company, Pidge came in at 7. Glancing at his phone Lance saw that it was just past midnight, Pidge would be slightly lacking in sleep but no worse than normal. He said his goodbyes and ruffled PIdges hair before making his way to the door. Sleepy byes followed him into the apartments hallway. A dark form whipping around a corner had Lance reaching for the thigh holster hidden under his shorts. 

Any easy friendship that eased the years of darkness vanished as if they had never stopped. Silent yet quick feet carried him across the carpeted floor.  _ If someone is watching they now know where to strike. Get rid of them before they can report back to their boss, and if they already have follow the chain of command all the way up. Destroy them before they can destroy you.  _ Lance palmed the small gun from its holster and prepared for anything as he reached the corner.  

The front Lobby was large enough that the person in black was still visible, Lance huffed out a breath of relief when he saw it was just one of the neighbors. Ms. Trigal might be a bit eccentric but she was plenty nice and kept an eye on his young friends. Lance was twitchy, his earlier breakdown and the tension of having his scars on display putting him on edge. The chance of grabbing a nap before going to work was definitely not happening now. At least being jumpy would be helpful when having to walk back to his apartment in the dark. Being mugged for his keys phone and gun wasn't in his plans. 

          “Lance!” 

He turned and saw Keith of all people half jogging up to him. 

          “Hey, it’s pretty late and there’s been a couple muggings in the area recently. Want a ride?” 

It was honestly kind of adorable to see Keith standing there awkwardly. The flush on his face could have been from running after Lance but he could also bet it was related to the question itself. After just a second of thinking Lance nodded. 

“It would be more trouble than it’s worth to get mugged on my way home just because I felt like walking.” 

Keith gave a little smile and started to walk at Lances side. The guest parking lot at Hunk and Pidges apartments were in the back of the building to stay out of the way. The walk there was quiet but thankfully not awkward, the urge to fill it with useless chatter could be ignored. The jangle of Keith pulling out his keys brought a sudden thought to Lances head.  _ Neither Keith or Shiro own cars.  _ They both had beasts of motorcycles that they had built from the ground up before Lance came around. 

          “Uhh, Keith, how exactly are two people going to fit on your bike.” 

Keith stopped in his tracks and Lance could see the exact moment the reality of the situation processed. Keith caught his lower lip between his teeth and Lance had to consciously keep his hands at his side. Reaching out to trace the edges of that mouth with his thumb would probably get him punched, let alone the fury of Shiro.

          “We can both fit, if you don’t mind having to hold onto me.” 

_ I have been waiting for you to say something like that for two years.  _ Lance shook the thought out of his head and gave a slight smile. 

          “Still better than getting mugged, so long as you don’t try to kill me.” 

Keith's eyes narrowed a bit and he cocked his head. The tiny move was entirely to adorable and made Lance realize just how close they were standing in the dark. It wouldn’t take much to drag the other against him and kiss that sinful mouth. Keith turned back to his bike breaking the moment before Lance could do anything stupid. Watching Keith sling his leg over the cherry and black bike instantly reminded Lance of way to many teenage fantasies. He swallowed dryly and wiped his sweaty hands on his shorts before climbing onto the back. 

          “No helmets?” Lance would go to the grave before admitting his voice cracked. 

Keith shrugged in front of Lance, no helmets then, well if he was going to die at least it was with Keith between his legs. He could feel the warmth radiating from Keith against his thighs, even through his shorts and Keith's skinny jeans. The hip bones against his palms were doing things to his heart that were probably not healthy. When the bike cranked up with a hungry growl Lance started praying, hopefully someone would find the will in his kitchen because this was going to be the death of him. 

Keith apparently had no concept of going easy, he revved out of the parking lot like he was being chased by the cops. Lance couldn't help the tight grip that he had, not if he actually wanted to stay on the bike. Keith leaned into hairpin turns that left Lances stomach laying on the pavement. The speed and adrenaline, the wind in his hair, he had the biggest smile as they sped through the city. The ride was over much to quickly, if he had a choice Lance would have rode until the sun rose.  _ Or rode something else for just as good of a time.  _

When they pulled to the front of Lances apartment he was still grinning like an idiot. It took him a second to slide off the bike, his knees were jelly. He turned back to Keith ready to gush and was surprised to see the soft smile on the others face. Normally Keith had a major case of resting bitch face, getting him to smile or laugh was an accomplishment hard worked for. The expression he was currently making was one Lance had never seen, even directed at Pidge. It made his heart pause and then pick up double time.  _ Oh shit, this might be a little more than a crush on a cute coworker.  _

The smile on his face slid off like oil, he couldn't be anything with Keith. Anyone,  _ anyone,  _ Lance got close to was at risk. Anyone he cared for, was seen with, held close to his heat, they could be killed as revenge for his past. There was a reason he didn't see his family near as often as he wished, why he never allowed his face or name to be on social media with his friends, why he used a fake name to begin with. Lance pulled a smile to his face, even though he knew it looked strained. 

          “Thanks for the ride Keith, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Lance turned his back on the worry clouding Keith's eyes and made his way into the building. He had been a fool to even try and forget the stains on his soul. A fool to risk those stains rubbing off on the others. Lance walked up the stairs, every step sending twinges of pain through his leg. Some kind of small payment to the danger he had placed on the others, something he deserved. His hands were rock steady as he unlocked the door, even in the face of misery he didn't shake. 

The apartment was to quiet, or maybe his thoughts were to loud. The TV had shut off when it had been left alone for to long, so Lance flicked it on just for some noise. The air was still, dead, nothing like the laughter that he had been a part of just minutes ago. Only a handful of people had ever come inside, people that Lance trusted fully. It was his space, somewhere where he could be safe and didn't have to worry about wearing a mask. It was small, and plain but that was how he wanted it. One bedroom, one bath, the tiny living room, and even smaller kitchen, at least the rent was cheap. 

Lance moved through the space and into his bathroom, a shower would at least pass some time before he could go to work. Shedding his clothes he made sure to not glance in the mirror before the steam clouded it over, he needed no reminder of the scars that littered his skin. Once the water was hot enough to sting Lance ducked under it like he could wash his sins away.  _ How many times have you stood under water and watched it run red with blood that didn't belong to you.  _ Lance tried to breath slowly but the steam filling the air was to much like smoke, to much like memories of pain shoved into the back of his mind. 

He couldn't breath, could barely stand, the water sliding over his leg felt to much like blood, he needed to get out. Lance shut off the water and got out before it had even started to cool. Roughly rubbing a towel through his hair brought some kind of normalcy to his mind. He needed some kind of distraction, something to keep his mind from sliding into the darkness that followed him. He grabbed his phone and checked the time, nearly 1, he had a few people he could get ahold of. 

_           Me: you up?  _

_           Candyman: always. Why are you still up _

_           Me: cant think straight. Feel like coming over?  _

_           Candyman: I’ll be there in ten, spar? _

_           Me: exactly my plan.  _

Lance had known Rolo and his sister for years. They had all worked for Alfor and bonded through their jobs. Rolo also had problems with their shared pasts at times, had nights where he needed to drink or fight or fuck until he couldn’t think. They always went to each other, someone they could trust enough to not shank them while distracted. Lance went to his closet and grabbed some shorts, not bothering with a shirt. The shower had been wasted too, he would be getting sweaty and possibly bloody again anyway. He sat on the couch and tried to pay attention to the infomercial until Rolo showed up. 

If he could just get through the night he could put this behind him. Lock his past back into its box and shove it off a pier. Put back on his happy face until it wasn't a mask. Pretend he was alright until he had another bad night and started the cycle again. If he could just get through the night


	7. Build Until you Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hillllllllllllllllllllllllllllls are alive with the sound of............ crippling depression and procrastination? Yea not an excuse, but still the reason I've been MIA. but with season eight coming out tomorrow and the looming sense of dread knowing that fandom is going to go to shit have this! Also, for anyone curious I am looking for a Beta Reader! I try to do most my editing but I tend to miss things. Just message if you're curious.

Lance stalked back and forth in his small living room. Rolo only lived a few blocks away and would probably be taking his car since it was starting to get late. It was one benefit of living in the city, Lance had grown up in Cuba as a kid and moved to the countryside of Florida in his teens. Being close to everything made life much easier. He had a car, and occasionally used it when he needed to get groceries or go to the other side of the city but for the most part he walked or used public transport.

Lance had to resist the urge to check the time every couple of seconds. Being impatient wouldn't get him anywhere but not having anything to do was just making him more anxious. He huffed and cast a quick glance at the tv still playing, wouldn't be worth finding something to hold his attention if Rolo would hurry up. He could do something about the state of his living room if they were going to spar though. He grabbed the edge of the coffee table and pushed it into the doorway of his room, then pushed the couch across the floor to be against the wall. That left the room mostly open and ready for them to use. 

There were four little dots of blue painters tape marking the corners of a rough box. When he sparred they had to stay in the box to not get disqualified. Sitting himself in the center of the square Lance started to stretch his shoulders and wait for Rolo. he had never been really good at meditation, even after Alfor attempted to teach him, but Lance once again made an attempt as he waited. When the door finally opened to allow Rolo’s entrance Lance was more than happy to abandon his meditation attempts. 

        “Rough day?” Rolo’s voice had just enough malice to prickle Lances mood. 

Lance fought the urge to get drug into a fight before Rolo had even shrugged out of his hoodie. Their late night meetings often followed a similar script. Meet, a few irritating words, a quick dirty fight, and finishing up with pouring drinks down their throats. 

        “You could say something like that.” 

Lance pushed himself to his feet and cracked his neck. Rolo gave a vicious smile and stepped into the square. For a moment neither moved, just sized up their opponent. Lance made the first move, a lightning fast lunge forwards in an attempt to get past Rolo’s guard. It didn't work of course, they were both to well trained and used to fighting each other to get an easy win. Rolo dodged out of the way and whirled to end up at Lance’s back. He dropped himself to his knees to avoid the blow coming at the back of his head and bounced back to his toes. 

The simple joy of putting his body in motion, of his muscles warming up, brought a wild smile to Lance’s face. This is exactly the kind of ending he needed after the day he had. He flicked his still damp bangs out of his eyes and tracked Rolo’s tells. The other always subconsciously pointed his planned direction with his chin, even if his eyes didn't follow. Knowing how the other worked let Lance dodge the next backhand aimed at him, but he wasn't quick enough to come away completely clean. Rolo’s knee slammed into his unguarded ribs forcing his breath out in a whoosh. 

Lance hit the floor and was already rolling, his lungs closed in his chest. He sucked in a thin gasp the best he could as he dodged Rolo again. While Rolo tried to compensate for only hitting empty air Lance struck. He got one hand on Rolos shoulder and wrapped the other around his bicep. In a quick twist and pull he threw Rolo to the ground and slung his own body to straddle the other. Rolo tried to buck him off, but Lance just moved through it. He put his hand on Rolos throat and squeezed slightly until the other stopped squirming. 

        “Yield?” his voice held none of the lightness he forced on a daily basis. 

Rolo’s face twisted in a snarl and with a hard buck of his hips he got loose. Lance scrambled to get him back under control but all he got for it was an elbow to the nose. Lance heard more than felt the dull crunch before pain blasted through his head. He rocked back onto his haunches and spat the blood dripping into his mouth. Rolo bared his teeth when Lance smiled again with blood in his teeth. 

They crashed back together with the sound of flesh against flesh. Lance landed a really good hit to Rolos jaw and paid for it in a harsh kick to his bad knee. They knew each others weak points, how Rolo was half blind in one eye, how Lance always flinched away from his bad knee. Both would use the small advantages they could take. Lance finally managed to throw Rolo to the ground again. 

        “Yield!” it wasn't a question, it was an order. 

Rolo continued to struggle from face down on the wood but after a moment he stilled. Lance wrenched his arms up higher to the middle of his back and Rolo hissed in pain before nodding. 

        “I yield” 

Lance rolled off Rolo and laid on the floor panting. The wood was deliciously cool against his overheated skin. Rolo didn't even flip over onto his back, just flopped his arms to his sides. After a moment Lance sat up with a low groan, the blood sliding down the back of his throat was so not worth it. He prodded at the sensitive skin carefully, he didn't think it was broken at least. He reached over and prodded Rolo in the side until he opened his eyes to glare. 

        “Want an ice pack?” 

Rolo rolled his eyes and sat up. He gently pressed against his jaw and a few other bruises Lance could see spreading on his bare skin. 

        “Ya, I’ll take one and a drink.” 

Lance huffed and struggled to his feet. A drink was most definitely in order. At least his head was finally quiet, the anxiety chasing his finally pushed back far enough to think properly. For however long that would last at least. When he went into the kitchen Lance had to swallow a groan. The stove clock showed a lovely time of 2:37 A.M. which left next to no time to even attempt to sleep before work. Looked like another day of chugging coffee in the hopes of keeping his brain at least half functional. At least the shop was relatively slow placed on the early Saturday mornings. 

Lance grabbed two glasses from the drying rack and tossed in a few ice cubes before pouring two fingers of whiskey into each. He grabbed two of the handy ice packs that Rolos sister, Nyma, bought for him and went back to the living room. Rolo had finally got off the floor and draped himself over one end of the couch. Lance plopped down on the other side and tossed the ice pack into Rolos lap before handing him his drink. The pair sat in silence as they sipped the alcohol and tended to their small wounds. After a little while Rolo turned to him and gave a low whistle. 

        “You're going to have to explain that lovely bruise to your work tomorrow.” 

Lance groaned and let his head fall back against the couch. He had the ice pack on his face in order to hopefully reduce some swelling but tomorrow would not be fun. He hadn't quite thought of that before he invited Rolo over. Pidge was going to flip her shit, then she would tell everyone else and they would freak out too. He couldn't even blame it on a mugging since he had given in to temptation and caught a ride with Keith.  _ Not like I’m complaining about that, Keith on a bike should be illegal.  _

        “If I just pretend like nothing is the matter do you think everyone else will ignore them?” He whined. 

Rolo just scoffed and drained the rest of his drink before crunching on his ice. Lance finished his own off relishing in the burn tracing down his throat. Setting the glass on the floor Lance replaced his ice pack and prayed that he wouldn’t have a black eye. Maybe he could play it off as he slipped in the shower or something.  _ As if any of the others would actually believe that. They're not as dumb as I wish they were.  _ He was royally screwed. 

Lance was just starting to doze off when Rolo stood. He cracked one eye slightly and watched his friend check his phone. Rolo was always taller than Lance, but from this angle he looked like a proper giant. He also almost always had a sucker in his mouth and Lance nearly cracked up when Rolo went digging through his pockets and only pulled out old wrappers. At least Nyma had finally gotten him to stop smoking, the dirty habit had always annoyed them. Not to mention Lances slight oral fixation finally got a break from the constant teasing. 

Rolo sighed and somehow managed to sound annoyed before he started talking, “Nyma just messaged to remind me that we have a brunch planned with some prospective clients and I can’t show up sleep deprived.” 

Lance huffed and watched as Rolo fingered the spreading bruise on his jaw. Nyma would cover it for him, or they could just say it happened in a sparring practice that got a bit to rough. At least their jobs leant itself to always allowing them to be a bit rough. Unlike Lance who wanted as much distance from his past as possible they stayed in a similar line of business as bodyguards. Or in reality, hired mercs who occasionally put on a good face for the cameras their clients often hogged. 

        “Alright, I’m going to go ahead and head out. Keep your head above water and I’ll keep in touch.” Rolo grabbed his sweatshirt and left without another word or a glance back. 

Lance checked to make sure his phone alarm was up all the way and let his eyes fall closed again. He had just over an hour to nap before he needed to get up. 

 

```

 

The shrill beeping of his alarms finally roused Lance at 4. The first thing he noticed was the mostly melted ice pack dripping cold water down his neck. He had managed to shift into a slightly more comfortable position sometime in his nap and knocked it off his face. He flailed for a minute to find his phone and shut it off without opening his eyes. What he wouldn't give to be able to call in sick for the morning. But if he did that he would need to trade shifts and come in in the afternoon when there were more people.  _ Ugh, why did I ever choose the morning shifts to begin with. Terrible idea.  _

Lance heaved himself to his feet and went on a hunt for some decently clean work clothes. Everything hurt, why did he ever think sparring was the best option to burning off some of his anxiety. He should have just gone on another jog and accepted the risk of a mugging. Blearily stumbling around Lance managed to pull on pants without falling over and made it to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Flicking the light on with a hiss and a wince Lance stopped short at the truly impressive bruising. Stretching across his nose and cheek bones was particularly fun swirl of reds and some purple. 

It hadn’t been quite long enough for the bruises to set in fully, so there were some bonuses but they would develop as the day passed. It would most definitely not be fun to explain to his coworkers. Hell, he wouldn't even be able to work the till with the lovely things. For some reason people tended to dislike being greeted with bruises before they even got their caffeine in. Lance quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face cringing when he got to rough. They weren't even close to the worst injury he ever had, very low grade actually, but that didn't mean they didn't hurt at all. 

Lance left the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen. The amount of coffee he was about to be consuming would not be nice on an empty belly. He opened the fridge and glared at the scant offerings it held. Maybe Hunk had a point when he told Lance that he needed to do actually grocery shopping not just what he could get from the corner store.  Crinkling his nose was an instant bad idea, bruises reminding him they existed. Lance rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, time to call it in.

 

_ Me: if I told you I did something dumb how likely would you be to believe that? _

_ Me: dont answer that.  _

_ Me: I may have kinda sorta fell in the shower and bruised my masterpiece of a face. So I’ll need you to take the till when you come in.  _

_ Me: also I have no food. If you swing by McD’s I’ll buy ur breakfast.  _

 

Lance slid his phone into his back pocket and glanced at the clock. He needed to go ahead and leave if he wanted to get to work in time. He grabbed his wallet and jacket then walked out the door. Being sure the door was locked Lance dropped his keys in the inside pocket fingertips brushing against his knife. He might not carry a gun to work, but he didn't go anywhere unarmed. He had to many scars from doing the same to make the mistake in his wiser years. Never knew who you would meet in a dark hall. 

Walking outside was an exercise in self control. The temperature had dropped through the night and even his heavy jacket didn't stop the cutting wind. He just buried his face in his collar and made out into the predawn darkness. Thankfully the walk was a short one, and he knew all the best shortcuts to shave off a few minutes. When Lance finally got to the dark shop he wasted no time in unlocking the door and stepping into the blessed warmth. 

Flicking the lights on Lance smiled at the empty space. He really did love working here, the pay was decent and the people made working customer service fully worth it. The two hours where he was the only worker were always nice, not many people coming in. humming along to the radio Lance pulled the chairs off the tables and started setting up for the day. He also needed to pull the breakfast foods Hunk made last night out and put them under the warming lights. Then he would go ahead and do a quick inventory before people started coming in. 

The first few people that came in were still zombie enough to not comment on his bruises, if they even noticed him. He had an excuse on the tip of his tongue just in case but for now he just stayed quiet. As light started breaking through the clouds and people started being a bit more conscious Lance fielded any questions with a bright laugh. Enough of the regulars were actually concerned to warm his heart. When the door jingled to announce another person he looked up with his best smile and a greeting before his mood plummeted. 

He knew her of course, the tall tan figure with the chunky blonde braids and stunning blue eyes. Nyma. If she was here then something was very very wrong, she wouldn't have sought him out in public otherwise. She coolly looked him over and gave a low whistle before leaning on the counter. When she ordered a plain coffee her voice sounded light and airy, but her eyes were serious. 

        “There's someone asking for you.” Nyma said lowly. 

Lance raised an eyebrow and turned to make her coffee, hoping the shaking in his hands could be passed as coffee jitters. He had to keep his composure, couldn't let anyone know something was wrong. 

        “They knew your name so they must be an old friend but I told them that you had gone on vacation and wouldn't be back for a while.” she continued. 

Slimy fear coiled in his gut. Someone knew his name, his  _ real  _ one, and was looking for him. They weren’t a friend of course. He didn’t have any from the old days that wouldn’t know how to get ahold of him.  _ The past never stays where it belongs does it. And now you’ve got Rolo and Nyma involved.  _

        “I’ll call them up! Thanks for passing the message along!” Lance chirped. 

Nyma nodded once, understanding the hidden words he couldn’t say at work. She pushed off the counter and grabbed her coffee taking a small sip. Lance waved goodbye the same as he would any other customer and watched her slink out of the store. The way she held herself, the tight grace in her walk, let him know that whoever had tipped her off was probably close. Or that it had happened recently since Rolo hadn’t mentioned anything just hours before. 

Anxiety made a home in his brain, pounding along to his heartbeat. This was very not good. He quickly pulled out his phone and shot a text to Allura updating her on the situation before giving into the urge to pace. He couldn’t just leave, that would tip off whoever it was that he knew something was up. He needed to at least get through the day before he headed for the hills. Allura and Coran would cover for him, backing up the vacation story. He just needed to make it through a few hours without letting anyone know something was wrong. 

Lance was  _ bad  _ at concealing his anxiety. People were picking up on it and sending attitude back at him. It was a cycle of bad and he wasn’t quite sure how to break out of it. Pidge had finally come in and relieved him of the till, looking over him with a raised eyebrow. She hadn’t said anything yet but he knew it was coming, which only raised his anxiety more. Every time someone came in he whirled to the door ready for anything. He couldn't wear his jacket with his uniform so he didn't even have his knife on him, which only raised his anxiety  _ more!  _

The hours were barely creeping past. They had passed the breakfast rush in a flurry of activity that at least helped distract him. Now that it was a lull Lance wasn’t as good at ignoring Pidge glancing over at him every couple of minutes. He knew her patience was coming to an end, but he only had three more hours to get through. When Hunk came in Lance gave his best perky smile and bounced over to his friend. Hunk gave him an odd look but Lance just barreled through. 

        “I already did inventory! The paper is on the stove for you to look over.” 

Lance knew the exact moment when Pidge finally gave up on ringing in her curiosity. The girl huffed loudly and grabbed his wrist before dragging him to the kitchen with Hunk following behind. When she finally released him Lance tried to act natural and leant against the counter like nothing was wrong. Neither of the others bought it, he could see it on their faces. Hunk crossed his arms giving Lance his best mom glare, while Pidge tapped her foot impatiently. 

        “Sooooooo is there a reason for this meeting?” He tried. 

Pidge opened her mouth but Hunk broke in first, “What’s wrong Lance?” 

He gave himself a second to be sure he had his excuses in order before smiling as much as his bruises would allow. 

       “Don't yell at me! How was I supposed to know that too much conditioner would be a slipping hazard?” 

Neither of them bought it, the skepticism clear on their faces. At least Hunk made an attempt to cover it, Pidge just looked angry. 

        “You….  _ slipped  _ in the shower?” Hunk asked delicately. 

Lance gave an awkward laugh and rubbed at the back of his neck. He needed to play up the embarrassed and down play the jumpy. Unfortunately as good as he was at reading people, he was not a great actor. But for once it worked, or they at least left it. Hunk went back to his station and Lance was saved by the bell when someone walked in. Pidge went back to the till, though not without one last long look at him. 

The hours continued crawling by, with more side eyeing from Pidge. Lance could have kissed Shiro when the man came in a few minutes early drawing Pidges attention. Shiro didn’t even comment on the bruises, just dropped a hand on Lance’s shoulder before going to the back. When Keith came in a few minutes later he had more of a reaction. Double taking the stalking at Lance with clear anger on his face. He was opening his mouth to say  _ something  _ when Shiro barked his name from the back. Keith turned on his heel with a lip curl but left without arguing. Lance was starting to get the feeling he was screwed. 

The half yelled “Lance!” only confirmed it. 

He debated not going to the back, and blaming it on not being able to leave the till unattended but he knew the longer he put it off would make it worse.with a sigh and a quick prayer Lance stepped into the back to see the concerned faces of his friends. He was so, so, screwed. 

        “So Lance,” Pidge said with to much sweetness, “want to tell the truth about what's actually going on?”  

Lance sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He needed to sell it for just a little longer. Just needed to get through one bad conversation. 

        “I told you, I slipped its not a big deal.” 

Pidge scoffed as if that was the worst excuse she had ever heard. Lance gritted his teeth around the insult that sat on his tongue. Being ugly wouldn't get him anywhere even if it would release some of the pressure building in his gut. 

        “Can’t you just back off, I said it was nothing!” he spit. 

Pidge shrugged out from under Hunks steadying hand and got into his personal space. Even though he knew it was just the girl, who held next to no threat, his instincts prickled. Lance needed to get out, go somewhere  _ anywhere  _ else. Before he actually exploded and did something he would regret when he calmed down. Realistically he knew that he was over reacting, and that they were just worried. But all his stress and anxiety were trying to burst out of his body. 

        “I laid off this morning when you lied about slipping in the shower! Just tell us the truth Lance!” 

A low ugly laugh forced its way out his mouth.  _ Yeah Lance, tell them the truth. You want them to back off? Tell them about the blood that coats your hands and how you  _ liked  _ it. Then you’ll be all alone exactly how you deserve.  _

        “Stand down Pidge.” Shiro said quietly. 

Lance flicked his eyes to the large veteran. He was looking at Lance with those all to knowing eyes and a slightly cocked head. He needed to escape, before Shiro saw to much or he really opened his big mouth. 

        “Tell Allura I’m done.” he spit out. 

Hunk made a hurt noise and tried to step forwards but Lance was already turning. Anger pounded through his bloodstream and if he stayed to argue for even just one more minute he would burn his bridges while he was still standing on them.  

        “So that's it?” the previously silent Keith hissed, “You don't want to explain a bruise so you're just going to run away? From all of your friends like we don't even matter?” 

His fingers paused in the untying of his apron strings. They just weren't getting it, weren’t getting the ugly truth. He knew them, they were his friends even if he didn't want them to be. And he knew they would keep pushing until he finally broke, or until he forced them to give it up. 

        “Are we really friends?” it wasn’t Lance MccLain speaking, not with that midnight softness. No it was the feared assassin, it was the monster in the dark, “you mean nothing to me.” 

He turned then, saw the pain, shock, denial, in his friends faces. Lance let his lips quirk in some dead imitation of a smile as he pushed the blade home. 

        “None of you know anything about me, have never even been into my apartment and you think I care about you?” a low rough laugh, “No, the only reason you see me as a friend is to feed your own illusions.” 

Lance turned his back on them then, for the last time. He ignored the tears already sliding down Hunks cheeks, the anger in Pidges honey gold eyes, the quiet understanding shock in Shiro's, the blank look on Keith's face and turned his back. Maybe, just maybe, they would rage at him. Maybe they would call him a cruel bastard and spit on his name. Honestly that's what he hoped for, if they hated him then they wouldn't follow after him. 

         “Next time be careful of the beast you let into your heart.” he tossed the warning over his shoulder and kept walking.

Lance didn't allow himself to pause at the door, let none of his sorrow make him look back. He just walked into the cold and prayed for his friends to forget about him. He couldn't stay in the city, not if his old enemies were making appearances. He needed to break all ties and head out before something from the past came back to shred into the fairytale life he weaved around himself. He should have known better, should have never allowed his damn heart to escape its bonds. Lance had always known he was soft though, known and hadn't cared until it put his people at risk. And that was something he would never allow.  

So Lance walked away, he ignored his heart cleaving in two and left. The walk back to his apartment passed in some kind of numb haze. He barely noticed when he walked in, just started packing his few possessions into a suitcase and a duffle. He only kept a few weapons from his old life on him, the rest were at a safe house three hours away. That would be his destination, until he could clean up the mess he left behind and start again somewhere else. 

When his phone started ringing Lance didn't even glance at it before muting. It only took him minutes to gather all his essentials. Allura or Coran would come back for the rest and clean the apartment up before canceling the lease. It wasn’t the first time he had to pack up and leave a life behind even if it hurt the most. 

Sighing slightly Lance looked around the bare apartment. Even if the place had never been home, even if it hadn’t meant much to him he had lived there for three years. He had laughed, cried, bled, in the small space. His phone buzzing against his leg broke the silence once again. He still didn't glance at the screen as he turned it fully off and left it sitting on the couch. Pidge could and would track it if she decided they needed to finish the conversation Lance left behind. He would buy a burner for contacting Allura and Coran before he left the city. 

Grabbing his two bags Lance left the apartment for the last time. He loaded the bags into his car quickly and pulled out of the parking lot without any hesitation. As much as it hurt, as much as he hated leaving, he refused to let any of the people he cared about get drug into his mistakes. He simply would not allow it. Instead of turning left to leave the parking lot like he would to go to work, Lance turned right to go to the safe house. In his rearview mirror he thought he saw a red motorcycle before he focused back on the road in front of him. There was nothing to look back at now, he just had to keep telling himself that. 

 

_ There is nothing left for you.  _ For once he agreed with the dark whispers. There was nothing. 


	8. Searching for the Lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* yea I'm not dead! I'm just gonna chuck this in here and run away again. kudos and comments are always appreciated!! the dedication of this chapter is actually to Skylark, who's excitement reminded me of the joy i felt when writing.

Pidge didn’t move from her spot under Hunks heavy arm for a solid two minutes. The cold anger in Lances parting words just kept playing in her ears over and over again. As many times as she had pissed him off or been the one he showed his teeth to on a bad day she had never heard anything like that. Like her friend had been replaced by someone whose goal was to hurt them. She couldn’t find a logical reason for why he would go from cracking jokes with the best of them to cold fury in the space of a few hours. 

 

She had known as soon as he walked in with those bruises on his face and his eyes searching through every shadow that something was up. He normally shone, his friendliness breaking through people's walls with ease. To see him so muted had her discreetly texting Hunk that they needed to try and really talk to him. Lance was always so closed off and didn’t ever discuss personal matters, always holding himself slightly apart. But he had never been a good liar, his eyes were always his tell and even when he tried to hide them it didn’t really work. 

 

When she did eventually move it was to flinch when the front doorbell gave a merry little jingle. They could hear the customer walking up but none of them so much as took a step to serve in her until she called out. Hunk sighed and wiped his hands against his orange apron before making his way to the front. Probably for the best it was him anyway, Pidge still had silent tears running down her face and even Keith looked like he had just been sucker punched. When she glanced over at Shiro it was like his whole face had shut down, grey eyes like storm clouds. If daily life at the pub was typically smooth sailing then Lance was the iceberg that sank the Titanic. 

Hunk stepped back into the kitchen with one of their coffee cups, colorful kittens playing across cardboard. Pidges eyes zeroed in on Lances familiar handwriting, ‘Nyma,’ the name section declared with an exclamation point. The half cursive half print writing that Pidge saw most morning seemed to be taunting her. 

“It looks like the coffee was made wrong and she would like a new one.” Hunk said numbly. 

 

Hunk had been Pidges best friend since they were in the eighth grade and trying to outdo each others science fair projects. She was protective of the big man whose heart was pure gold and Pidge knew it. Finally an emotion broke through the shock filling her head, and it was  _ anger.  _ Who in the hell did Lance think he was to upset one of the most pure and good people that anyone could ever meet. They had worked so hard to bring Lance out of his shell when he first joined the pub and the first time he had laughed at one of Shiro's dorky puns Hunk had grabbed the smaller man in a bear hug.  _ No one upset Hunk, for any reason ever. Not if they were smart enough to want to avoid the special kind of hell she could wreak.  _

 

Pidge marched forwards and yanked the cup out of Hunks hand before reading over the order list. It was incredibly simple, one that she could make in under a minute. Curling her lip she shoved the thing under the coffee spigot ignoring the few hot drips that slashed her wrist. Anger was quickly filling all the empty spaces and jagged cracks left by Lances abrupt leaving. If his head was so far up his ass that he thought they would let him just walk away then Pidge would personally teach him different. Barely stirring the coffee to make sure its two pumps of vanilla were mixed properly Pidge stalked back to the front and nearly threw it at the blonde girl in front of her. The other woman looked her over with barely concealed dislike. 

 

“I think I liked the one who originally made my drink more, even if he didn’t do it right.” 

 

Pidge nearly snarled aloud. Bitchy customers were the last thing she needed after the hell of the morning. 

“Ya that sucks, he left.” she spat out like poison. 

 

Pidge wasn’t the best with people, in fact she avoided most interactions, but she was almost certain that was worry on the girls face. She just crossed her arms and glared hoping the customer would leave quickly. Allura would have their hides if they left the front unattended while there was someone at the pub, personal drama or no. Though maybe Allura should be the first person Pidge called, she always had seemed closer to Lance than he let anyone else get. 

Even Coran watched to boy with heavy eyes at times. 

 

If there was ever some kind of measurement for how much luck and individual had Pidge was fairly sure she would be at a deficit. Instead of beating a hasty retreat the blonde customer sat at the bar with her coffee and drug her phone out of her purse. Pidge held in a sigh and leaned against the till counter loudly tapping her fingers. She needed to get into the back and make some kind of plan with the others, but it didn’t seem like that would be happening anytime soon. ‘Nyma’ glanced over at Pidge and clicked a number on her phone before bringing it to her ear. Pidge didn’t plan on eavesdropping, but it's not like she had anything else to do. 

 

“Gods dammit boy if you don't answer my phone I am going to feed your spleen to the crows!” the girl paused and took a deep breath before starting again with a lower voice, “Listen Blue, I know you’re freaking out but I need you to call me before you do something stupid.” The blonde sighed and cut her eyes over to Pidge before putting her phone back into her purse and standing. 

 

“Hope you have a nice day, and make up with your friend.” 

 

Pidge held in her scoff, but only just barely. The woman practically glided out of the pub and Pidge only held her proper work face until the door swung closed. She let loose a sigh and made her way around the counter to flip the sign to closed. They didn’t need any more interruptions and it wasn’t like Allura or Coran were there to yell at them. Swinging back around she made her way back into the kitchen and made contact with everyone. Or, everyone but Keith. Pidge looked at Shiro and raised one eyebrow, the big man just shrugged and rasped his hand against the shaved back of his head. 

 

“He tore out to go try and track down Lance.” 

 

Pidge rolled her eyes and leaned against the counter. Maybe the two idiots would catch each other and fight long enough for the rest of them to catch up. They were both stupid and stubborn enough that it was a possibility, though it also opened up the possibility of the rest of them walking in on the two making out. Which if she were fully honest she wouldn’t mind, at least it would clear up the stupid sexual tension filling the shop when the pair so much as glanced at each other. If Lance even went back to his apartment, he could have just as easily gone off to any number of places in the city. 

 

As soon as Pidge started thinking about it she realized that she really had no idea where Lance would go. She would say they had been friends for nearly two years but she was drawing a blank on any of his normal haunts. She honestly couldn’t remember a single time of him telling them where he liked to go when he wanted to hide from the world. He had been right, none of them had ever even been to his apartment. As much as Lance talked he very rarely said anything, it made her wonder how long this separation had been coming. No matter, they needed to have a proper conversation which meant they needed to find him. 

 

Pidge pulled out her phone and considered her options. They needed to find where Lance was if they wanted to talk to him, but she didn’t have her laptop to find him. If she could call in a few favors then she could have a location in a few minutes. Then they could work on what they would say and have some kind of game plan. Quickly she shot off a short text message and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

 

“Alright, I’ve got Matt pinging Lances phone so that we can try and track him down. He is dumber than our government if he thinks he can just pull a stunt like this and run off with no retaliation.” 

 

Hunk gave a slight smile, but his eyes were still watery. That more than anything made Pidge twitchy, she just wasn’t good at comforting. She couldn’t even begin to decipher the distant look on Shiro's face. Sometimes the big man just got lost in his own head and it was only Keith or Adam that could pull him out again. Her eyes darted down and saw Shiro's fingers twisting his engagement ring around and around on his finger, the nervous tick was one they all knew to look for. 

 

“I’ve seen that kind of look before,” Shiro said lowly, “that was the look of a man with his back against the wall and a firing squad in front of him.” 

 

Pidge swallowed around the lump in her throat. They all knew that Lance had his own issues, honestly they all did some were just more obvious than others. The pub had been started with the interest of helping those who had problems with regular jobs. Hunk couldn’t look certain people in the face, Keith still flinched at loud noises, there were days Shiro never showed up, and Pidge herself was still too prone to avoiding sleep. They were all working on it, and she had thought Lance was doing the best out of all of them. There were only a few days he was obvious about his own trauma. 

 

“We all know what it's like to run from our past, that doesn’t mean that lashing out is alright.” Hunk finally spoke up. 

 

Pidge nodded once and pulled her phone out again. Matt had already messaged her back with a screenshot of Lances current location, it said he was at his apartment. That would have to be their first stop then, and they could move on if they needed to. Shooting off a quick text to Allura Pidge shoved her phone back into her pocket and untied the strings to her apron. Standing around wasn’t going to do anything, they might as well get a move on. 

 

“Lets go, if we hear from Keith or Lance before we get to Lance's apartment then all the better. I also messaged Allura with what's going on so hopefully she will answer quickly with some tips.” 

 

Hunk and Shiro nodded without a fight. Shiro still looked a little shell shocked, so Pidge took a moment to lean against his side before moving on. They cleaned up the kitchen in record time, though it probably helped that they hadn't really had a chance to get it messy. Pidge cast one last glance around before Hunk shut the lights off, and caught sight of Lance’s jacket hanging on its hook. She pulled it down and shrugged into the familiar dark grey material, it was surprisingly heavy on one side. She knew it wasn't his phone, and really hoped it wasn’t his wallet as she reached into the inside pocket. 

 

“Uhh, you guys?” 

 

It hadn’t been a wallet in Lance’s inner pocket. No sitting in Pidges loose fingered grip was a deadly looking knife. She had handled plenty of kitchen knives living with Hunk, but none of them looked quite like this. This one was easily the length of her forearm, with dark metal, and a wickedly curving tip. She carefully passed the knife over to where Hunk was making grabby hands and stuck her hand back into the pocket to see what else was in there. Nothing but a few balled up sucker wrappers, she had never even seen Lance eat a sucker. Hunk whistled lowly and her eyes darted to the bead of blood welling up along his thumb.

 

“Well, Lance obviously takes good care of this. Its razor sharp and cleaned like a master chefs prized collection.” 

 

Hunk flipped it over in his hands and raised an eyebrow. Pidge knew that look, it wasn’t anything good most the time. 

 

“There’s an inscription on this side, in Spanish. It pretty much says ‘Bow to the Lion I Am,’ but I don’t know what that means.” 

 

Pidge glanced at Shiro and saw that all the color had drained from his face. He honestly looked like someone had just stuck the knife in his liver from behind. 

 

“Shiro?” she asked gently 

 

The massive ex-marine gave a full body flinch. Hunk and Pidge made brief eye contact before Hunk carefully handed her the knife. She slid it back into the sheath in the jacket pocket and tried to ignore how sick the weight made her feel. Pidge crept closer, drawing to a stop when Shiro started to lean away from her. He hadn’t done something like that since he had come home and had to tell Pidge and Matt that their dad wouldn’t be coming home. It had been a terrible time of them handling grief, Shiro just losing his arm and the subsequent ptsd, and trying to figure out how to live without their dad. 

 

“Shiro, I need you to talk to me. Even if its just to tell me to take a step back.” Pidge said slowly, she couldn’t risk freaking him out. 

 

Shiro took a deep breath and let his eyes slide closed. She waited patiently letting him have all the time he needed. The only movement was when he started to massage the muscle in the meat of his arm, right above where his prosthetic attached. Finally Shiro opened his eyes once again and drug Pidge against his chest. She went willingly, albeit stiffly, before she relaxed and grabbed him back. After a moment Hunk joined in, adding another grounding factor to a still shaking Shiro. 

 

“That saying,” Shiro muttered into Pidge’s hair, “I’ve heard it before.” 

 

Shiro paused again and Pidge nodded in an effort to get him to keep talking. She could feel him suck in a breath with how tightly they were packed.she was starting to get a bit twitchy but she still didn’t pull away, not if Shiro needed the comfort. Besides, anything that freaked him out so quickly was probably not something she really wanted to know.  

 

“It was a saying that was used for a gang from Cuba,” Pidge was really starting to wish she could just cover Shiro's mouth, “the gang was in the middle of a civil war when we swept through, I was never sure what side actually ordered the hit on our base. They really escalated that night, overthrew the gang leader and hit three other places.” 

 

She was going to throw up. She already knew where this was going and she really truly didn’t want Shiro to finish what was coming. They had already had the heart to heart of the night their base got hit, costing many soldiers their lives or limbs.   

 

“The gang used that saying, originally it was supposed to be a family crest type thing, meant to be something to be proud of. I remember it being yelled after the front of the base exploded.” 

 

She was definitely going to throw up. Shiro had been lucky in a sense, he had just lost an arm. Her dad had lost everything. Pidge knew Shiro blamed himself, wished he had been in the front of the building in the chance to save her dad. Her main concern was why in the  _ hell  _ did Lance have a knife with the same phrase as the people who had killed her father. Pidge buried her face in Shiro's chest and just breathed until she was sure she wouldn't start screaming. After too long she pulled out of the hug and looked Shiro in the eyes.

 

“We need to talk to Lance, now.” 

 

Shiro nodded once and they all stepped apart. Hunk stayed hovering but let Pidge have her own space. They switched off the lights and made their way outside and into the car, they would meet up with Keith at Lance's apartment and figure out what to do from there. Pidge took a deep breath of the frigid air and squared her shoulders, there was nothing to do but move forwards. 

 

```

 

Lance wasn’t at his apartment. Keith had seen him driving away and then subtly picked the lock and broke in. They met him at the door and he lead them inside. It was very plain to Pidge, who had gone from her family home to living with cluttered Hunk. It looked like Lance only had two rooms, a bedroom and the combined living room kitchen. There was next to no personal touches to the whole place, Pidge wondered around the living room and only saw one picture pinned above the stove. She didn't know how to feel that the picture was of all of them grouped in front of the pub making faces. 

 

“Hey guys, in here!” Hunk yelled from where he had disappeared into the tiny bedroom.  

 

Pidge made her way into the room, looking around as soon as she stepped through the door. It was just as plain, just a bed in one corner and a rack with some clothes hanging in the other. Hunk was standing at the only other piece of furniture, a set of drawers in front of a heavily curtained window. She went to the clothes first, looking through them quickly. Most everything that wasn't a work shirt was darkly colored and easily foldable. The kind of things she would pack when needing to move and not pack a huge suitcase. Done with the clothes Pidge looked back over to Hunk who now had Shiro and Keith also standing over his shoulders looking at whatever he was holding.

 

She made her way to his side and he held up another picture, this one wasn’t of the whole pub. This picture was just of Lance and two others, a blonde man and woman. The man had an arm thrown across Lance’s shoulder, a sucker in his mouth, and a rifle across his middle. It was the woman Pidge focused on though, brilliant blue eyes and chunky blond braids paired with a cheshire grin. Pidge knew her, had seen her just hours ago in the pub. Where she had been after serving Lance, and coming back in like the coffee was wrong even though Lance never made coffees wrong. And that phone call she had made, like she had wanted to make sure Pidge  heard it specifically. 

 

“Nyma.” Pidge whispered through suddenly numb lips. 

 

Keith flinched at her side but Pidge waved him off, she’d explain once she actually understood herself. Hunk turned the picture over, on the back in unfamiliar handwriting said ‘ _ thanks for watching our backs! We’ll see you on the flip side Blue.’  _ Yet more proof that the girl Pidge had just seen hours ago, calling someone  _ Lance  _ Blue on the phone. When she was telling him not to do anything stupid. Slick worry crawled through Pidge’s belly at the thought. 

 

“This morning, that girl in the picture came into the pub. She said Lance made her coffee wrong, I was distracted and didn’t think anything of it but we all know Lance doesn’t mess up coffees. She was acting oddly, and made a call to someone she called ‘Blue’ I think that's Lance. There’s something screwy going on here, and we need to figure it out.” 

 

Hunk pulled open the drawer and started rifling through it, from what Pidge could see it was just basic junk. She stopped paying attention, trusting that Hunk would tell her in anything interesting came out of it. Instead Pidge pressed herself against Keith's side, he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed tightly. She could remember when Shiro first brought the wild eyed boy around. When she was just 14 and Keith was only 18 and fresh out of the foster system. She could remember how skittish he was, and how he still was to most people beyond their tiny group at the pub.

 

It didn’t look like Hunk found anything in the first drawer, he had moved on to the second and Shiro had wandered off to the clothes. Pidge just continued offering silent support to Keith, she couldn’t even imagine how he was handling everything. The very thought of Lance having something to do with the people that killed her father had shaken Pidge to her core, and she didn’t even want to make out with him. Her phone pinged, the minecraft zombie noise that meant Matt was messaging her. 

 

_ Hobgoblin: I’m guessing that you didn’t find him? _

_ Me: no. are you sure his phone is still here? _

_ Hobgoblin: it hasn’t moved, see if you can find the phone I guess.  _

_ Me: good idea, I’ll message if I find anything. _

_ Hobgoblin: Please do. Lance is my friend just as much as yours.  _

 

Something that was too close to guilt made a home in Pidge’s heart. If their suspicions were right and Lance… if their suspicions were right it wouldn’t just be her affected. At the same time she didn’t want to even give a hint to Matt until she knew for sure. She wouldn’t hurt her brother like that, he was the only blood she had left. Matt had been right, if she could find Lance’s phone there's no telling what information she could pull off it. 

 

Pidge started her search in the bedroom, leaving Keith hovering by Hunk. She shook out the blanket and lifted up the pillow revealing nothing, sticking her head under the bed showed an empty duffel bag that smelled a bit like oil. She poked her head in the bathroom finding Shiro sitting on the closed toilet with his head in his hands. Taking the moment to hug him again and whisper some reassurances Pidge confirmed there was no phone in the room before moving on. She quickly checked the kitchen to no avail and focused her attention on the tacky plaid couch, it was her last hope. 

 

Pidge saw a glint of black between the two cushions and pulled the phone free with a quiet whoop. It had been powered off, but responded when she pressed the power button. When the screen finally lit up she sucked air through her teeth. There were all the missed calls and text messages, including a few from a ‘Ny’ and ‘CandyMan’ that Pidge didn’t recognized. She could figure Ny was the woman from earlier and CandyMan could be anyone that Lance was close to, though 9 missed calls was a bit much. 

 

There was also two missed calls from Coran, and an alert from a security system that she knew wasn’t from the apartment. Curiosity rankled at Pidge. But she didn’t know his passcode and couldn’t break into the phone without her laptop. Clearing away all the notifications Pidge couldn’t help the tears welling in her eyes. Lance’s home screen was a picture of him and Allura on a beach grinning like loons. They hadn’t taken off their over clothes and it made Pidge wonder if Lance even would, considering how self conscious he seemed about his scars. She didn’t know if he even had them in the picture, he was obviously a few years younger and Pidge couldn’t see Alluras tattoo on her inner arm. 

 

Hunk and Keith came back into the living room and Pidge held up her prize. The boys gave slight smiles and made their way to her side of the room. She handed the phone off the Hunk and let him input a few codes before he handed it back with a shrug. Pidge was just opening her mouth to offer going back to her apartment in an attempt to unlock the phone when Shiro walked out of the bathroom. 

 

“I think I know what we should do,” Shiro said as he wiped his hands on his pants, “we need to talk to Allura and Coran. Those three have always been close and if we are trying to find Lance that's probably our best bet.”

 

The three of them looked at each other before looking back at Shiro and nodding. This game of cat and mouse was starting to grate on Pidges nerves, maybe Allura could help them. Or if not then they could at least have a proper conversation since Allura still hadn’t messaged her back. Pidge didn’t have many other plans so she just had to hope. 

 

```

 

_ The plan had been simple, all they were trying to do was protect their own. Alfor had been doing his best but he had always been to soft, that's what he had his left hand for. He had never been able to bear some of the harsher realities of running the gang, even with Zarkon handling the most of it. Hiring Blue had been one of the best decisions Alfor made since he kept his little girl. Blue was a bit of a spitfire and more than willing to take on the jobs Alfor handed out. Even after years and years Blue stayed fast at his side, it was one of few constants he knew he could count on.  _

 

_ Yet their plan had still fallen through. Blue had been Alfors last hope, and he had hoped his last safety net. The banging at his door didn’t even pause, Alfor let his head rest in his hands as he tried to tune it out. Blue had gone dark, he was supposed to be coming in but instead all Alfor had was a pressed panic button and no assassin. He had already sent Nyma and Rolo away, he wouldn’t let them die for his own stupidity. And they were two out of four Alfor properly trusted with his daughter anyway.  _

 

_ The door started shaking harder in its frame, he was on a time limit and it was running out. Alfor stood from his desk and walked over to his window, it was a beautiful night with a near full moon and countless stars glinting over Cuba. The only mars on the skyline were three fires he could see burning in the distance, no doubt distractions set by Zarkon. Alfor didn’t even flinch when the door flew open, he just slowly turned.  _

 

_ Standing silhouetted by the hallway light was the massive shadow of his closest friend. Zarkon had been at Alfors right since they were boys coming up through the ranks. Alfor had honestly never expected betrayal, it had never been on his radar. Zarkon stepped fully into his office slowly taking his overcoat off and hanging it on the hook Alfor had installed just for him.  _

 

_ “Alfor, I am truly sorry all our years had to come to this.” Alfor almost wanted to giggle, he had always thought Zarkons voice would be great for a villain and he wasn't wrong.  _

_ “It didn’t have to Zarkon, you could have walked out at any time.”  _

 

_ Zarkon waved off his goons and moved to Alfors side of the desk. He faced the window eyes only pausing momentarily on the smears of fire.  _

 

_ “I wish you were right my friend, but it was you who should have stepped away.” Zarkon said lowly.  _

 

_ Alfor sighed and turned to look out the window as well, shoulder to shoulder with his friend like they had been for most their lives. For as long as he could remember Zarkon had been the taller of the two, but for once it seemed like his friend had shrunken into himself.  _

 

_ “Do you remember,” Zarkon started sounding younger than he had been in ages, “the very first time we broke into your dad's liquor cabinet? We thought we were hot shit bringing that bottle of cheap whiskey around for everyone to drink from when we could barely even choke it down. Those were easier times.”  _

 

_ Alfor chuckled easily, they had gotten in so much trouble for the stunt but had earned their friends respect early on. Back before taking charge and having to worry about expanding or getting noticed by the Garrisons nosy soldiers.  _

 

_ “Do you remember when Lotor was born? How tiny he was, how much he’s grown since then. It was one of few times I’ve actually seen you cry.” Alfor couldn’t help the wistfulness in his voice.  _

 

_ Lotor had just turned 21 to Alluras 23, and it seemed like he would be following in his father footsteps unlike her. Alfor had always done his best to keep his daughter far away from the life he led, for her safety and sanity. He didn't need to know the look on her face if she learned what he had already done.  _

 

_ “Our children have always been our shining lights,” Zarkon agreed.  _

 

_ For the first time Alfor faced Zarkon head on and waited for his friend to meet his eyes. He had one last request and he needed to be sure his friend realized just how serious he was. Zarkon resisted but eventually he turned, and Alfor could see his eyes were lined in silver.  _

 

_ “I know what you came here to do, and I won't fight you. All I ask is you leave my daughter out of it. She has never been brought into this life and i do not wish it of her.”  _

 

_ Zarkon nodded once sending one tear sliding down his face. Alfor had known that he would leave Allura out of it, but he still needed the reassurance.  _

 

_ “I can honor that my friend, you have always trusted me with her and I will continue even after your… even after.” Zarkons voice broke around his flowing tears. _

 

_ Alfor gave one last smile to his friend and extend his hand to shake. Zarkon bypassed it completely and drug him into a hug, whispering his apologies. Alfor had just a moment to register hard metal pressed against his chest before he heard an ear splitting bang. There was only a moment of pain before he slid to the ground, everything was going dark. The taste of iron lay heavy on his tongue but Alfor still smiled as he lost consciousness.  _

 


End file.
